Patreon Living

Hey, y’all. I hope this finds you safe and taken care of. I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been actively sharing recipes here on the blog and there’s a reason for that: spacing my work out and showing myself some grace these last few months has been difficult. I moved at the beginning of the summer, my apartment flooded my first night here, I’ve had to adjust to living alone again while being isolated because of the pandemic all while juggling freelance writing and recipe development work, deadlines, navigating this new-ish part of the culinary media industry, and the outlandish entitlement that I’ve been receiving from internet randoms like crazy lately. It’s just been…a lot.

With the ongoing pandemic and how things are shaping up for the upcoming months (hello, variants), I’ve been trying to manage my workload to work better for me. You know I’m all about working smarter and not harder. As you know, I had to pivot (like many in the food and beverage industry) last year and make this my full-time job. But I live somewhere where it’s frankly not safe to work in public spaces and I’m trying to avoid going back into a restaurant as long as I possibly can. I know that’s a privilege that many don’t have and I understand that. I’m truly grateful to be in the position that I’m in. And juggling these feelings is something that I struggle with daily. Blame fear of “selling out”, imposter syndrome, or simply being burnt out (let’s face it, I haven’t had a vacation in close to two years and we’ve collectively been onslaught by constant stress and trauma), but it’s hard to stay motivated to keep sharing free content when droves of people on social media keep requesting access to free recipes without the monetary support I need to provide them. Especially while I’m watching the industry I absolutely love barely hang on by a thread in real time.

We’ve all seen countless viral videos of Karens in the wild, belligerent guests foaming at the mouth because they don’t want to do the literal bare minimum of wearing a mask to ensure the safety of others all while enjoying the luxury of being able to dine out and enjoy a dinner service during a damn global pandemic. The same people who only have their entire personalities based on going out to eat were faced with the sad reality of having to sit still for a while and stay home, but still chose not to do so and wanted to just endanger others instead. Hospitality workers bear the brunt of most intersectional issues in this country (poverty wages, exploitation, physical and verbal abuse to name a few) all while having to put on a smile and serve those that are actually inflicting the damage. It’s disgusting. And I’ve experienced this abuse firsthand throughout the years while hosting, waiting tables, running food, and working the line, from fellow employees, managers, and guests. It’s been a toxic environment for years but seeing how restaurant workers have been treated throughout this pandemic was the final straw for me. I don’t want that for my friends in the industry and I don’t want that for myself. We deserve better.

If you’re reading this now, I’m certain that you aren’t one of those people doing the damage. And I thank you for that. You’re the reason why I love what I do and why I want to keep sharing my love of food and culture, why I brainstorm recipe ideas at 2am when I can’t sleep, and why my notes app is so chaotic full of drafts and handwritten, scribbled drawings. You’re the reason why I collect cookbooks and rewatch old cooking shows for inspiration. You’re part of my community and you’re the reason why many of us choose to keep doing what we love. And truthfully, I miss working the line. I miss my routine. And I miss blogging just being a hobby. Whew, it felt good writing that. But the veil needs to be lifted on what really goes on behind the scenes when it comes to providing you with free content.

I don’t have a team of folks doing all the work and letting me be the smiling face on your phone screen. The teams that do the grocery shopping, pumping out multiple recipe development and testing days, food styling and setting up props, taking photographs, recording videos, editing photos and videos, playing the customer service role, troubleshooting website issues, answering emails, and managing multiple social media accounts. These big-time food bloggers have managers, assistants, and full production teams. For The Sofrito Project, it’s just me. And for now, that’s okay. But we need to be transparent here on what things are going to look like going forward.

These past few weeks in particular have been tough. The now-everyday stresses of living in a state that is doing absolutely nothing to protect its citizens is taking its toll on me. On top of the dumpster fire that is this country in general, summer sads rolled through and I’ve been spending the last month and some change not wanting to cook a single thing and struggling to even post something online. What is there to post when the world is on fire? Why bother sharing a plate of pretty food online when people are losing their livelihoods because the government won’t step in and just take care of its citizens? While other countries pay folks to stay home and be safe, we have governors that want to send kids to school with no masks and simply wished teachers, parents, and healthcare workers a big “happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor!” and chucked a big metaphorical middle finger.

I don’t want to be tone deaf to what’s happening but at the same time, I kinda just wanna stick my head in the sand and live my life the best that I can, working on what makes me happy. Just gotta find that balance, I suppose. I want cooking to be fun again. Silver lining here is the shift in seasons always finds a way of grounding me. I walked my dog this morning and realized that my glasses didn’t fog up when I stepped outside and it made me so happy. Such a simple thing: a huge relief that Fall is right around the corner. My favorite time of year and when I feel most creative and at ease. Feeling more grounded has helped. If you’ve noticed the change in my tone or overall demeanor online, it’s because I’ve recently had to re-establish some boundaries over on social media. At the moment, I have over 20 thousand followers on Instagram, which is super cool to think about but also somewhat daunting to have to “perform” online and maintain the illusion of happily providing free content to the masses while fighting an algorithm that doesn’t make it a safe space for me anymore. I can’t imagine what my friends with larger platforms have to deal with.

It happens like clockwork: I say something that makes racist trolls mad (which frankly, doesn’t take much these days considering how outspoken I am) and then I have to shut down my story replies and report multiple spam pages and bots. Delete IG off my phone to get a break. Rinse and repeat. Brands reach out via email to have a “diverse” voice represent them and provide recipes but they want to offer product in exchange for my labor. Even though they all posted their black squares in solidarity during 2020’s summer of “racial awakening” and swipe through Instagram infographics (insert eye roll here). Just yesterday, I was offered samples of cooking oil in exchange for a recipe post. Cooking oil. My labor is worth more than cooking oil. Why should I even have to write that?

I’m tired. Collectively, we’re tired. Recently, I’ve seen all of my fellow food blogger friends and content creators share the same sentiment about shifting away from Instagram and blogging to slow down their free content in order to establish better boundaries and protect themselves online. By moving to safer platforms that support creatives, it’s easier for us to ground ourselves and focus on what really matters. I’m definitely not getting rid of my blog and I’m not going to stop sharing recipes here but I am going to do it less often and focus my time over on Patreon where I have a smaller audience that supports my work with monthly pledges. Frankly, this puts food in my fridge, pays my bills, and allows me to safely keep doing what I’m driven to do. And I’d love to see you there.

Aside from focusing on recipe creation for my Patreon page, I’m planning on writing some more digital cookbooks to share here. Now that I’m feeling better, I’ve been brainstorming and going through my recipe notes and books these last few weeks for inspiration. I’ve also opened up my virtual cooking class schedule and look forward to cooking with you soon. And I’m speaking new private chef clients into existence that I can safely cook for and deliver food for socially distanced interactions. So far, I can appreciate this pandemic journey for what it’s been: eye-opening. It’s been a way to speak up for myself and put my foot down when it comes to letting internet strangers dictate what I do, what I say, how I support myself, and how I protect my craft. I’m doing the best that I can. We’re all doing the best that we can. That’s what really matters at the end of the day, right?